Near miss with a flying fish

Corn is in, beans are done.  I would start mowing hay, but calling for lots of rain this week.  What to do?  I decide to finally take up brother-in-law’s fishing offer.  I send a message and before I can get the tractor out of the bean field, Brother-in-law’s Tahoe skids to a stop in my driveway with camoflage boat in tow.  I unhook the bean drill while he checks over supplies, charts a course, and practices some knot tying.  “I already set a trap in your pond for bait”, Brother-in-law advises.  I help extricate him from some rope, pull the bait traps full of small bullhead catfish, and we are headin to the river!

At the boat ramp, we discuss the serious side of fishing on the Missouri River.   We run through the checklist again;  Flotation devices, “Yep”,  Cutout switch, “Yep”,  Beer cooler, “Of course”, Is the plug in the boat, “yep”.  Its getting to be late afternoon, so we expedite our launch.  Brother-in-law jumps in the boat, and I throw the Tahoe in reverse and start my patented serpentine descent down the ramp.  This ramp has helpful concrete curbs.  When I see Bro-in-law bounce in the air, I turn the wheel the other direction.  Sploosh!   He and the boat are launched!  I gently pull the trailer back up the ramp.  I walk back to the boat through the white smoke and inform my brother-in law his speedometer is broken.  “I was barely movin”, I explain, “but your speedometer read 60 the whole way up the ramp!”

I gotta admit, Bro-in-law spent the bucks and has a nice 4 stroke outboard.  We careen up the river, holding our hats with tears running in our ears (heard a song like that somewhere…).  Every so often we set jugs and lines until we are almost out of bait.  Then, at the back side of a wing dyke it happens. 

An Asian Carp (invasive nasty fish) flies 10 feet in the air and lands in the back of the boat!  With a flip of his tail, I see both the plug and the carp arching to the middle of the craft.  Three or 4 more flops and the flotation devices are in the river.  Wedged between the side of the boat and the beer cooler, the big headed carp intinsifies his attack.  Simultaneously Brother-in-law and I dive from opposite ends of the boat to save the beer cooler.   “That was close!” we agree.  We limp back to the boat ramp and then home.

Honey bunches is amazed by our heroic recitation of the trip.  At least she said she was.  All we had to do was go back in the morning and run our lines.  To our disappointment, all we caught was a 3 pound flathead… until the last 10 hooks we set on a trotline that evening.  On that line we pulled in almost forty pounds of catfish.  What can I say, Asian Carp are good bait!

Try and get away now!

The to-do list

Today started as usual.  Lots of plans and aspirations for to-do list shortening.  The to-do list is a fictional character and only exists in my sub-conscious.  Things I need to do, should do, can’t get done, the ying and yang of my daily life.  Of course, by the end of the day, the to-do list had developed a mind of its own.

Goals for today;  Move bull, catch weaning age calves, clear dirt from around terrace tiles, push fallen tree from bean ground, remove loader, get ready to plant beans tomorrow, call hay baling guy so can start mowing hay after bean planting, call corn haulin guy so can start emptying bin… ”Thanks ,to-do list, I will get right on it!”

Actual day;  Put loader on tractor, move corral to other pasture, set up corral, push dirt in terraces, break hydraulic cylinder on loader, take broken tractor back to machine shed, get text message from brother-in-law requesting I go fishing, catch cattle in corral, sort out cows leaving bull and calves, try to keep bull from jumping out of corral with stick, run to get trailer before bull gets out, recieve text from brother-in-law asking why I can’t go fishing, get cattle trailer, change flat tire on trailer, load bull in front and calves in back, drop off calves,

You lookin at me?

take bull to new bunch of cows, remove broken cylinder from tractor, another text message from brother-in-law “can I go fishing tomorrow”, call baler guy and tell him I have no idea when I can start mowing hay, skip callin corn haulin guy…  too late.

I give up on the to-do list for today.  I have already doubled its content for tomorrow!  Back at home, I have a good meal prepared by Honey Bunches.  She tells me my cows were eye-ballin her today.  She thinks they only like me because I am a man.  Maybe it’s because I brought the bull over!  Time to work on to-do list for tomorrow…

Text brother-in-law, inform him I might go fishing, ask later.

Dang old tractor

While using an old tractor with a belly mower is mush faster than push mowing,  it is much slower than the new whiz bang chrome wheeled mowers.  There are still payments.  As most people with old tractors know, monthly payments are replaced by repair bills. 

One of my ’40s era B farmalls had lost so much compression, the decision was made to swap the belly mower to another “B” with an older rebuild.  With a little help from my brother-in-law, some banging of hammers, skinning of knuckles, and the invention of a few words Webster would be ashamed of, the old tractor was ready for yard duty.

After checking the oil and adding water to the radiator, one touch of the starter button brought the little tractor to life.  Only a few minutes went by before I was being misted with water.  This may be a pricey add-on for new mowers but it was not an option on 1939 Farmalls.  Dangit!  Radiator leak.  I removed the hood, grill, radiator and hauled to the repair shop. 

I have been push mowing for several weeks now.  Got my radiator back but have not had time to reassemble the old “B”.  Cost for radiator repair, nothing.  Just had to pay a “Stupid Tax” of time and labor.  There was no leak.  When I do get time to put it back together, I will make sure the overflow hose is tucked behind the shroud where the fan can’t eat it.

New Toy!

I hate using that term to describe a piece of farm equipment.  Since this particular addition will go from zero to 60 faster than I can bail off, the term toy applies.  After years of faithful service, my old 4 wheeler bit the dust in a cloud of dollar signs.  Understand, I have deranged cows who are convinced I have cow-napped them.  I am pretty sure they have read the military handbook on escaping at all costs.   With no horses, another ATV was needed.

Now the big decision, new or used.  I searched the internet and found lots of adds for used ATV’s.   The descriptions were normally something like; SUPER FAST-adult ridden, Never off road-in louisanna, It’s really an 800cc-put 500cc stickers on it to fool pink slip racers.  OK, time for a new 4 wheeler.

I will not discuss the brand here, but last years model got the price into a reasonable range.  At least as reasonable as an 80′s corvette, or 10 year old pickup with all the bells and whistles!   Price is not the primary issue, just cow catchability!

Like a guard at a war camp, I cruise the road outside the cow pasture.  They stare at me as if to say, “That’s not even fair!”.  I picture myself surprising escapees as I fly over a hill on my new camo fuel injected peace-keeper.  All is quiet though.  I stow my new toy in the shed and head in for supper. 

“Honey Bunches” asks how my day has been.  “Tiring”‘ I say, ” Ready for a bath.”   As I lean back in my easy chair, I take in the evening sounds.  Crickets are chirping, bullfrogs are croaking out their best love songs.  “Not bad”, I say to myself as I try to ignore the distant “MOOooo”.

No scratches yet!

My big fat Memorial Day weekend

Having recently married a girl who is accustomed to frequent trips into town, our remote location leaves her with minute moments of entertainment.  Don’t get me wrong, she is the best and most understanding woman I know.  I, on the other hand accept and invite the challeges of my country ways.  Many times she has pondered what I must do to saturate my clothes and self with oil, grime, and general yuckiness!

While city folk were cruisin the lakes in their newly acquired high powered toys, we were still at the “ponderosa”.  Having finished corn planting just ahead of the forecasted rain, I was ready for a break.  Of course the rain missed us, so I diligently moved on to preparing bean ground.  A hydraulic hose broke while disking.  I placed a cell phone call to honey bunches and informed her I would be in to get something to eat.  When I arrived, lunch was ready.  (told you she was good!)  She commented on my cleanliness and that the house is much easier to keep clean if I don’t come in a mess.

After a great meal, I gave her a kiss, thanked her, and with a crescent wrench in my back pocket, headed off to fix that oil leak.